Hammtastic.We're gonna stretch our muscles and see if we can find something to say about each of the men. Warning: this is going to get repetitive. Hit it, boys.
Andrew Garfield in Burberry
The blue tuxedo was a chic choice and while we do believe it's permissable and even stylish to wear brown shoes with a blue suit, we'd never recommend it for a formal look.Chord Overstreet in Emporio Armani
Not bad. The fit seems a little roomy. Take half an inch off the hem of the pants.Chris Colfer in Dior
You're wearing a freaking Dior tuxedo, Babygay. Straighten and tighten that tie. He went for a skinny fit in the pants (which he can pull off), so the extra fabric around his angles doesn't bug as much.Christian Bale in Gucci
Same thing he wore to the Globes; same reaction from us: tuxedos with black shirts read as organized crime. Although as you'll see, we feel some of the men pulled off this tired look last night.Colin Firth
Perfection. Except for the hair. Colin, you're an Oscar nominee. No one will judge you if you use a little product in your hair.Cory Monteith in Calvin Klein Collection
We like the silver tie, but we think the look would have been better with a white shirt. Hem Watch: Looks like a good 2 to 3 inches need to go.Dennis Haysbert
Perfect fit.Hem Watch: perfect.
Ed Helms
He looks cute but the fit is a little off.Hem Watch: maybe an inch. He's close.
Edgar Ramirez
We couldn't tell you about the fit because he's got his hands shoved in his pockets like he's watching a golf tournament.Hem Watch: perfect.
Harry Shum Jr.
This kid has real style. Wearing a pink shirt and blue tie with a metallic tuxedo and PULLING IT OFF. Bravo.Hem watch: Just so.
Hugh Dancy in Ralph Lauren
Looks fine.Hem Watch: perfect. The Brits tend not to look like they're standing in a hole. They get it.
Jack Robbins
He's a cute kid and (as far as we know) not a star, so he did alright for himself. The black shirt doesn't detract in this case.Hem watch: about right, which is no easy task with a guy this tall.
James Franco in Gucci
Standard, but well done.Hem watch: very good. Have these boys been listening to us?
Jeff Bridges
What a striking couple they are. He looks great. So does she.Hem watch: very good, but are those SUEDE shoes? With a tux? Oh, Jeff. Put the bong down before you make decisions like this.
Jeremy Renner in Dolce & Gabbana
Lorenzo has just admitted a crush on him, so Tom thinks he looks AWFUL and should be SET ON FIRE. Naah. He looks good, except for the oddly wrinkled pants. He must have gotten a little limo BJ on the way over.And THAT's why the gays make for better red carpet commentary, bitches. Not even Joan Rivers would have come up with that last line.
Hem watch: a skosh too much.
Jesse Eisenberg in Dolce & Gabbana
Far be it for us to defend Giuliana, but we thought he was kind of obnoxious to her last night. Anyway, it's a nice looking tux, but he's a rumpled mess.Jesse Tyler Ferguson
It's so sad when the gays let us down on the red carpet. Let's break this down: His pants don't match his jacket, he's wearing a windowpane plaid shirt with a tartan plaid tie, and he bottomed it off (pun unintended!) with a pair of brown shoes. Dude, you are so fucking fired.Hem watch: That's one thing he got right.
John Krasinski in Prada
We thought he looked really adorable last night, which is odd, because he never did anything for us before. He can even pull off the black shirt,Hem watch: Quel désastre. He looks like a Clydesdale wearing shoes.
Jon Hamm in Calvin Klein Collection
It would be nearly impossible for him to look bad. However, the fit on the jacket seems a little snug in the midsection.Hem Watch: Looks like he could take off a good 2 or 3 inches.
Josh Duhamel in Calvin Klein Collection
Good. Nothing to write home about.Hem Watch: Almost right. Still a skosh too long.
Josh Hutcherson
He's kind of adorable. We saw The Kids are All Right finally and while we thought the cast was uniformly excellent, the picture itself was kind of annoying. Anyway, he looks good. We wish he'd tightened the tie.Hem Watch: Excellent, Padawan.
Josh Pence
Ca-HYUTE! The fit is great.Hem Watch: Well, nobody's perfect.
Justin Timberlake in Simon Spurr
He can be pretty irritating and full of himself, but he really looks great here. Love the tie.Hem Watch: almost there.
Keith Urban
We just can't get over his hair. We've seen less highlights and lowlights on your average Mary Kay rep. Anyway, the suit looks fine, but he should be slapped - and hard - for walking the red carpet with his jacket undone and his hand in his pocket. And unless he's planning on leaving early for his job as a construction foreman, those shoes should have never seen the light of day.Hem Watch: It's a little difficult to assess with his GIGANTIC SHOES blocking our view.
Kevin McHale
We like that he's a bit of a hipster dandy and that he takes risks, but nothing's working here. Don't like the tie-lessness, don't like the boutonniere, which is way too large and besides, why are you wearing a boutonniere to an awards ceremony anyway? Those are for wedding and proms. Could you imagine if all the women started carrying bouquets or wearing wrist corsages to the red carpet.Hem Watch: got that part right.
LL Cool
On just about anyone else, we'd have opinions about that hat and that shirt, but it's so totally LL and he's so freaking cute that he makes it work.Hem Watch: Oy. He's not THAT cute.
Mario Lopez
Standard, but fine.Hem Watch: could stand to lose an inch.
Mark Ruffalo
Oh, PLEASE. If you're above it all, then don't come. But if you're coming, PUT THE EFFORT IN. He looks ridiculously sloppy.Hem Watch: Do you really need to ask the question?
Mark Salling
Russian mafia enforcer. Not fabulous.Hem Watch: it hurts our eyes.
Matthew Morrison
EWWWWW!EWWEWWEWWEWWEWW.
So sleazy looking. You're not at a nightclub, buddy.
Hem Watch: worst of the night. You could take a full 4 inches off those pants. Amazingly, this is not the worst thing about his outfit.
Michael C. Hall
This isn't a very good picture of him. Even so, someone with his coloring should stick to the classic white shirt.Hem Watch: tragic.
Michael Pitt in Calvin Klein Collection
He always looks like he needs a good scrubdown. And no, we don't mean that in a sexual way. He really looks dirty all the time. He's pulling off the look, though.Hem Watch: Not perfect, but not bad.
Patrick Stewart in Calvin Klein Collection
J'ADORE JEAN-LUC. And always have. A charming, intelligent, sexy man. He looks fabulous.Hem watch: Perfection, bien sûr.
Steve Buscemi
He looks perfect, head to toe.Steve Carrell
He always looks great in a tux.Hem Watch: could have taken half an inch off.
Warren Beatty
Well, he's Warren Beatty. He's been wearing tuxes several times a year for over 50 years. He knows what he's doing.[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage]
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Labels: Red Carpet, SAG Awards
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